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Love,

Aired: February 18, 2008, 6:30pm at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.

On the eve of Presidents Day, Tango McKnight plans his big high-stakes mine-shaft poker game with Dr. Constantino Marcockis. He confesses to the good doctor that “his poison” and/or weakness is love and wanting to be loved, to trust and be trusted.

In the McKnight/Watson bedroom, Izzy McKnight searches for The Will which her husband, Sheriff “Wild Bill” Watson, has hidden. They fight, she calls W.B. out on his affair with Trixy the teenager, they fight some more, then W.B. makes a pass at Izzy.

Meanwhile, over coffee AND tea, Helena des Bouche confesses to her sister, Vivian, of her childhood resentment for when Vivian smashed Helena’s Chanel bottle and sliced out Helena’s ovaries.

Later that night, at the big high-stakes mine-shaft poker game, Rex Mabius reflects on his loneliness, despite having 17-times more–a very specific amount–of money than all the bigwigs in the mine-shaft put together. At least, he states, he still has his robotic loving machine back in the basement of his venture capital building downtown. Tension arises at the game between Tango and ne’erdowell brother, Pip McKnight.

Later, Izzy wakes up at Charcoal Ridge Sacred Heart Hospital to learn that she had been poisoned by way of W.B.’s tinctured penis – with chemical assistance from Dr. Dare Huntington, who confesses that he tricked W.B. into ingesting the addictive poison, making him sick. Izzy remembers earlier that day, when she went to the town psychic, Woodrow Wilson Baxter, and was told that she must kill or be killed because, after all, her husband was “quick with a shovel.”

Meanwhile, near the mine-shaft, Helena and Pip meet up unexpectedly and discuss their mutual disdain for their respective siblings. They connect. Pip imagines putting his face into Helena’s alabaster bosom.

After leaving the hospital, Izzy lurks outside the Sheriff’s office with a sniper’s rifle and vengeful aspirations. Tango is there, with W.B., offering him $50,000 to “finish the job” and kill off Izzy once and for all. Izzy walks into the office when she can no longer see through the window blinds and takes aim. The three are interrupted by Dr. Constantino Marcockis, who runs in from the night’s just ended high-stakes mine-shaft poker game and throws his hand into the line of fire.

Will Rex reject Vivian for good?
Will Izzy murder Wild Bill and/or Tango and/or Dr. Marcockis?
Will Pip and Helena make love in his houseboat?

Find out next time on, AS THE DIAMOND BURNS!